--- title: Inner demons at the dark ocean description: Not only against others, but especially against myself. This voice leaves nothing good about myself. But that's what my journey is for. To find freedom image: https://www.pullmann-art.com/hubfs/20240803_063726%20-%20Kopie.jpg --- [Skip to content](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/inner-demons-at-the-dark-ocean#main-content) - [English](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/inner-demons-at-the-dark-ocean) - [Deutsch](https://www.pullmann-art.com/de/blog/innere-daemonen-in-der-finsteren-brandung) English Show submenu for translations - [Home](https://www.pullmann-art.com/) - [Art Gallery](https://www.pullmann-art.com/art-gallery) - [Journal](https://www.pullmann-art.com/de/journal) - [Exhibitions](https://www.pullmann-art.com/de/ausstellungen) - [The Artist](https://www.pullmann-art.com/artist) - [Music](https://www.pullmann-art.com/de/mikelive) - [Contact](https://www.pullmann-art.com/de/kontakt) Open main navigation Close main navigation - [Home](https://www.pullmann-art.com/) - [Art Gallery](https://www.pullmann-art.com/art-gallery) - [Journal](https://www.pullmann-art.com/de/journal) - [Exhibitions](https://www.pullmann-art.com/de/ausstellungen) - [The Artist](https://www.pullmann-art.com/artist) - [Music](https://www.pullmann-art.com/de/mikelive) - [Contact](https://www.pullmann-art.com/de/kontakt) - - [English](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/inner-demons-at-the-dark-ocean) - [Deutsch](https://www.pullmann-art.com/de/blog/innere-daemonen-in-der-finsteren-brandung) English Show submenu for translations - [Contact me](https://calendar.google.com/calendar/u/0/appointments/schedules/AcZssZ2lbZ2S2NkL6kRWTEJFFDQm3phxNBd1dOqEUKfUe1_v05pIr9J86540ylfgCn2ZjbHHurprXg5A) [Contact me](https://calendar.google.com/calendar/u/0/appointments/schedules/AcZssZ2lbZ2S2NkL6kRWTEJFFDQm3phxNBd1dOqEUKfUe1_v05pIr9J86540ylfgCn2ZjbHHurprXg5A) 8/5/24, 3:05 PM # Inner demons at the dark ocean ![Picture of Michael Pullmann](https://www.pullmann-art.com/hs-fs/hubfs/WhatsApp%20Bild%202024-07-14%20um%2005.24.27_e8fbbf7e.jpg?width=50&name=WhatsApp%20Bild%202024-07-14%20um%2005.24.27_e8fbbf7e.jpg) [Michael Pullmann](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/author/michael-pullmann) Share: [facebook-f icon](http://www.facebook.com/share.php?u=https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/inner-demons-at-the-dark-ocean) [linkedin-in icon](http://www.linkedin.com/shareArticle?mini=true&url=https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/inner-demons-at-the-dark-ocean) [Twitter icon](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?url=https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/inner-demons-at-the-dark-ocean) [pinterest-p icon](http://pinterest.com/pin/create/link/?url=https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/inner-demons-at-the-dark-ocean) [envelope icon](mailto:?body=https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/inner-demons-at-the-dark-ocean) At the dark sea The waves crash loudly in front of me in the absolute darkness of the new moon night. The seemingly endless masses of water that rise up to the horizon in front of me are menacing. There is no moonlight, and the stars and the lights of the wide promenade suggest that there is still something out there.  ![20240802\_223109](https://www.pullmann-art.com/hs-fs/hubfs/20240802_223109.jpg?width=4624&height=1183&name=20240802_223109.jpg) To the sound of soft music, the waves crash powerfully onto the beach in front of me. All dark, I look for this spectacle with the warm wind on my neck. I just want to be alone with myself. It feels frightening to encounter the forces of nature. At new moon in the deep black night. Filled with awe, I sleep here on the beach at my feet, the mighty indomitable cosmos. Here I feel powerful. Here I feel awe. Here I feel small. ![20240803\_071825 - Kopie](https://www.pullmann-art.com/hs-fs/hubfs/20240803_071825%20-%20Kopie.jpg?width=3264&height=1836&name=20240803_071825%20-%20Kopie.jpg) Anti-child That inner voice that whispers inconspicuously in your ear, stirring up prejudices without proof, only on suspicion. Unsympathetic to myself. I was at the mercy of the programming and influences of my childhood. I was an anti-child. I was almost aborted. Taken from my mother after birth, operated on and placed in isolation quarantine. I was ill for many years and often jumped off the brink of death. Not a start in life that strengthens basic trust. Perhaps one day I will be able to change this programming. I am learning to live with it, because at least I am alive and grateful for every morning. I am grateful for the people close to me.  ...but sometimes this feeling of loneliness comes over me. ![20240803\_071533](https://www.pullmann-art.com/hs-fs/hubfs/20240803_071533.jpg?width=4000&height=2250&name=20240803_071533.jpg) The sunrise wakes me up How nice to be here this morning. But the first negative thought loops come quickly. I look back at my footprints in the sand. Instead of the joy I had hoped for, I am greeted by self-deprecation. The inner critic whispers in my ear: "Your footprints look like a waddling duck. You should have seen an orthopaedic surgeon to fix that." WHAT!!! “ What's going on? Why this self-loathing right back in my head? What am I supposed to affirm? What reality am I supposed to create? Fears and thoughts of betrayal flood my emotions. I have to listen to myself: “Was it an ambush? Does someone want something from me again? Who is conniving? ....What kind of burden do I have to carry?” How do I free myself? And the wonderful sun rises and paints a sky that knows nothing of such worries.   Date 03 August 2024/ Nights of the Red Lion Newmoon [Globetrotter](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/globetrotter), [backpacking](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/backpacking), [NomadLife](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/nomadlife), [SpiritualJourney](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/spiritualjourney), [TravelBlogger](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/travelblogger), [LifeOnTheRoad](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/lifeontheroad), [Adventure](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/adventure), [Mallorca](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/mallorca) ## Related posts [![](https://www.pullmann-art.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Pullman-art-Atelier-2.jpg?height=200&name=Pullman-art-Atelier-2.jpg)](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/a-winter-home-and-transitional-studio?hsLang=en) [Globetrotter](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/globetrotter), [SpiritualJourney](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/spiritualjourney), [ArtTrip](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/arttrip), [TravelBlogger](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/travelblogger), [Adventure](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/adventure), [SpiritualArt](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/spiritualart) ## [A winter home and transitional studio](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/a-winter-home-and-transitional-studio?hsLang=en) ![Picture of Michael Pullmann](https://www.pullmann-art.com/hs-fs/hubfs/WhatsApp%20Bild%202024-07-14%20um%2005.24.27_e8fbbf7e.jpg?width=50&name=WhatsApp%20Bild%202024-07-14%20um%2005.24.27_e8fbbf7e.jpg) [Michael Pullmann](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/author/michael-pullmann) 10/31/24, 10:48 AM “It's hard to believe,” I think to myself as I stand in the middle of my huge studio. I'm actually... [Read more](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/a-winter-home-and-transitional-studio?hsLang=en) [![](https://www.pullmann-art.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Michael-pullmann-art-about04sx.jpg?height=200&name=Michael-pullmann-art-about04sx.jpg)](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/pluto-in-aquarius-the-threshold-to-a-new-age?hsLang=en) [Globetrotter](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/globetrotter), [SpiritualJourney](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/spiritualjourney), [ArtTrip](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/arttrip), [galaxy](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/galaxy), [Astrologie](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/astrologie), [Pluto](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/pluto), [Transformation](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/transformation), [SpiritualArt](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/spiritualart), [matrix](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/tag/matrix) ## [Pluto in Aquarius: the threshold to a new age](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/pluto-in-aquarius-the-threshold-to-a-new-age?hsLang=en) ![Picture of Michael Pullmann](https://www.pullmann-art.com/hs-fs/hubfs/WhatsApp%20Bild%202024-07-14%20um%2005.24.27_e8fbbf7e.jpg?width=50&name=WhatsApp%20Bild%202024-07-14%20um%2005.24.27_e8fbbf7e.jpg) [Michael Pullmann](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/author/michael-pullmann) 11/14/24, 11:35 AM 19.11.24- the threshold to a new age? 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[Read more](https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/panta-rhai-everything-flows?hsLang=en) --- # Pullmann-ART Copyright © 2020, Michael Pullmann Am Bahnhof 15 07646 Stadtroda ```json { "@context" : "https://schema.org", "@type" : "BlogPosting", "author" : { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "Michael Pullmann", "url" : "https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/author/michael-pullmann" }, "dateModified" : "2024-08-22T14:28:08.233Z", "datePublished" : "2024-08-05T13:05:54.000Z", "headline" : "Inner demons at the dark ocean", "image" : [ "https://www.pullmann-art.com/hubfs/20240803_063726%20-%20Kopie.jpg" ], "mainEntityOfPage" : { "@id" : "https://www.pullmann-art.com/en/blog/inner-demons-at-the-dark-ocean", "@type" : "WebPage" }, "publisher" : { "@type" : "Organization", "logo" : { "@type" : "ImageObject" }, "name" : "Michael Pullmann Kunstgalerie" } } ```